coping mechanisms
when it comes to optimal performance, i feel like i’ve been at a disadvantage for most of my life. i often lack focus. i hate the idea of people not liking me. losing sucks and i take it pretty hard. all of this (and many more i choose not to share because, i mean, i really want you to like me and i worry that if you knew about my issues having my elbow touched by strangers, you might look at me a little funny…) means i can make my life a lot harder for myself without really trying.
stress. anxiety. imposter syndrome.
sometimes my head is a mess and i do dumb shit to cope.
here’s a few.
shopping. i buy into the potential that lives inside that cart. six new paint palettes? they’re going to be the ones i use to finally finish all those projects on my list. just watch.
disappearing into a television show universe where i don’t even speak the language and have to read all 108 hours of the show just to know what’s going on? perfect. it means my mind has less opportunity to wander back to whatever it is i’m trying to avoid. focus, people.
dicking around in my planner. i cope by pouring out every single stressor in my life, every single “thing” i think i need to get done and i put it in whatever planner i’m using that day (remember that shopping thing i do? planners are one of my most frequent purchases, sadly…) the really tragic part is once i’ve gotten all these to-do items artfully arranged with stickers and washi tape and highlighters practically making everything both beautiful and foolproof, i ignore my planner for the next three weeks and most likely end up buying a new one.
sims and warcraft and animal crossing and mario kart. these are my go-tos lately. it shifts around between which one i like the most, but there was a time where i likely spent 5+ hours a day in Azeroth pretending to be an undead warlock with a rotting face and a sweet ass mohawk when the pandemic first started. i’ve matured, obviously, and now spend my online hours pruning a garden and catching fish to sell to weird little racoon boys named timmy and tommy to pay of a fake mortgage i took out on my fake island. progress, people. onward and upward.